[From the drawing board of Lark Pien]

i am constantly weaving about because i cannot see straight on. things vanish as soon as they come into center view. you may notice the odd head bob, the sidelong glance and think me strange; but i have been doing it for some time now, and this sidewinding motion is familiar like a fair old friend. it is the way in which i have come to see many things.

i would like to say that i perform this habit out of necessity, but this would not be entirely true. beyond the practical nomenclature there lies the real source of desire: i am driven by the fear of ‘not knowing’. that centered hole in my vision is a needlepoint prick, tiny and precise in its measure to oblivion. it is necessary to weave, because i cannot escape it, because i would to like to see something other than that hole.

{aside: on seeing myself – a near impossible task! i cannot be the subject and the object at the same time. there is not enough distance between the two to make a proper survey.}

so though i am the continuous tether for my observations, the course that i take is somewhat haphazard in its direction. there is no particular order in which i come to know things around me. for it to make some sense i have become a collector-investigator of sorts, compiling field notes in hopes of generating an accurate semblance of the ‘things’ around me.

if each encounter were all the same, i could draw the same character, tell the same story, and paint with the same palette each and every time. however, my exposure to things that are constant*, or akin, or of a unified ‘_(bigger thing?)_’ is somewhat lacking, and my grasp of these concepts is weak. we seem to exist collectively in individual chaos, with individuals bearing the weight of entropic gravity. the emergence of individuality among us is what elicits the continual change in my style. i can’t just use one because it would be, well, dismissive.

*{aside: i am finally beginning to contemplate the meaning of shared culture, family, legacy, groups, mobs, clubs, so on and so forth. these challenge the isolationistic view i’ve been assuming so far. i can’t quite address these concepts, since i don’t fully understand them yet, but i do want to acknowledge life isn’t entirely about being alone.}

experimenting with different media and acquiring new techniques is fun and rewarding, but i want to see straight ahead. i envy those who can and do. it is as if their heart and the place outside are tied together by a through line. if i run the floss from my heart, through the hole in my vision, will it emerge bound the world outside? as silly as this may seem, i desire this romantic notion. i think this would be nice.

now that i have presented a fair share of my hopes and fears on this blog, i’ll forge on ahead and render its relevance. i am lucky to be working with 1st Second Books. in practical terms, it is a concrete establishment with goals, focus and identity; it steers straight while providing me with direct and deliberate outlets that engage the public. and even though the company does not always pander to my cartooning sensibilities, it is accepting of my need for exploration. i am happy to be in a place where i can create a story based on the matters of individuality rather than the conforming clichés of today. finally, 1st Second’s editorial director Mark Siegel has shown genuine interest in the things i’ve collected, and is unconcerned that these things may not all look the same. he accepts my varied realities and encourages me to find their specific potentials.

recognizing all that has been laid out before me, i can no longer go back and wither in the hurly burly of my brain. with all that hoopla for collaboration and pushing for change, i will be forced to contend with my blind spot soon. i anticipate the stretch of a fathomless fall and bristling arms raised, finally on the cusp of a new intelligence.

[UP NEXT WEEK: BRIAN RALPH]